I started watching the series "Gossip Girl." I have to admit, I like it. I kind of like it a lot. There's an inherent desire to BE these characters or at least be friend with them. Who doesn't want to be a classy Upper East-ender? There's glamour and prestige and of course scandal. There's the kid who doesn't want the path his father is laying out for him, the girl seeking approval and slaying any in her path, and the outsider whom no one realizes is the most well-adjusted of the bunch. There's love and hate, joy and despair, light and dark. So life-like, really. Right? Well, maybe not...
But we want it to be that simple unfortunately we do not have professional writers scripting out our life plans or lack thereof. We have free will and make choices each day that make no sense. We lose the plot sometimes. And when the credits start rolling, we aren't bating our breath for ratings but whether or not there will be a breath tomorrow. So why the love of this kind of show?
I only ask because I need to know the answer for myself too. Why do I get absorbed in a television series? For me, I think it's the character development. it probably is for you too. I love watching the interactions of these characters as they "live their lives." My favorite episodes of Criminal Minds for example are ones where Dr. Reid or Morgan go back to their hometowns and discover something about their own story. I enjoy the episodes of House M.D. where we see the blooming relationship between Chase and Cameron or the dysfunction between House, Wilson and Cuddy. I'm drawn to these great stories about the characters I've come to share life with. But it all ends neatly in 50 minutes and I have to adjust again to unpredictable, chaotic, uncomfortably anti-climatic reality. If I could just be a part of something as exciting and moving as these characters are, maybe I would be as well-scripted and cool, for lack of a better word. I guess maybe I want others to want to be me the way I want to be Reid or Serena or Wilson. Is that too honest to admit?
One last thought on this TV World I've concocted for myself. And really it's a thought for you, my reader. What show do I identify more strongly with and why is that? Do I prefer Upper East End of NY (Gossip Girl), Newport Beach Cali (The OC), D.C (Bones/Criminal Minds)? Do I seek solace in the content of the show such as living an extravagant life (GG/OC), working tirelessly for the salvation of human life (CM), or being intelligent and wise thus making myself a required element of the team (Bones/House/CM)? What about you? Or am I the only living here in this oasis of Unreality?
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Monday, February 1, 2010
Walking the Tightrope
"Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the Lord which He will work for you today... The Lord will fight for you and you have only to be silent." Exodus 14:13-14
There is a story I like to share about a crowd standing beside the Grand Canyon. Stretched across the great chasm is a tightrope. As the crowd watches in awe, a man walks quickly across the rope form one side to the other. Then he does so again, this time with a wheelbarrow. Back and forth he travels and the people are amazed! As he reaches the edge where the crowd has gathered, he asks a question, "Do you think I can do it again?" A resounding cry of "YES!!" replies. So he looks among them and sees a young man who seems particularly enthusiastic to see this feat repeated. The tightrope walker steps over and asks, "Do you trust that I can do it again enough that you will ride in the wheelbarrow?"
I find myself in that position somewhat frequently throughout the stages in my life. Not so much the tightrope walker, but the young man being asked to trust in something altogether out of his control. Sometimes I feel like I say "Yes!" only to get worried and anxious halfway through the journey. It's in those times that it can be particularly dangerous. You're halfway there! Jumping out or rocking the boat would mean certain death! Alas, it's happened to me a time or two.
Most often I talk myself out of the wheelbarrow before I get in. All I can see are the chasm or the tautness of the rope or the drift of the wind. All these elements warn me of what I cannot affect. So rather than trust, I cower. I lose heart. I don't think I'm much different from the whiny Israelites to whom the opening passage refers. They, far more than I, faced a great threat. And they, like me, freaked out.
"They said to Moses, "Is it because there are no graves in Egypt that you have taken us away to die in the wilderness? What have you done to us in bringing us out of Egypt? Is not this what we said to you in Egypt: 'Leave us alone that we may serve the Egyptians'? For it would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the wilderness."
They couldn't see past the impending doom. they couldn't see the opportunity for God to show them something HUGE! And likewise I see the small story, the pain or discomfort or disappointment rather than the growth and joy God is showing me is available. Let me ask you a question: has there been a time in your life that was really tough? Maybe you lost hope or something rocked your world so hard you never thought it'll be right again. Maybe you are there today? I know I've been there. I think we all have moments and experiences we wish we could erase. Or somehow make easier. Sometimes we tell ourselves that it would have been a better thing if this had happened or you had gotten what you had prayed for. And the agony of knowing you couldn't change a thing! It's those times when we know in the core of our being there's gotta be something bigger than this because we know we are so ill-equipped to do this on our own.
Now, can you tell me, as you look back on those times of despair,that you are not a changed person because of them? Can you say that you did not learn something about your character and spirit when you were most severely tested? Just as the Israelites saw only the difficulty that faced them, I think I tend to take that view myself instead of trusting that God has something magnificent to show me through my trial. See the next part of the story is the most difficult...
"And Moses said to the people, "Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the LORD, which he will work for you today. For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall never see again. The LORD will fight for you, and YOU HAVE ONLY TO BE SILENT."
See, it all comes back to whether or not we trust that God can run that wheelbarrow across the tightrope. We've seen him do it again and again. We get excited to see the miracles in others. We shout "YES!" when we feel strong or want to see God's presence in our lives. But when confronted with an opportunity to really place everything in His hands, we shy away. We close shop and retreat. I find myself gathering into myself all the pieces I've let out so as to keep them as my own rather than see whether God will give or take away. Why do we do that? Why do we assume that our ways are better? Or that somehow God does not understand the depth of our desire or need? When in fact, God is the One who gave us the capacity to desire, the weakness to make us humble enough to need Him, and the joy of wonder when we are redeemed from the trial. I expect he rejoices greatly in that moment that we realize we cannot do this but by His grace and mercy. He rejoices not because we are broken and hurting and wrecked, but because finally, wearily, blessedly, we are once again in His hand.
So much of our lives are out of our control. It's no wonder that we want to plan our days, monitor our food intake and hold onto our money so nothing can shake us. ANYTHING could happen to rock our world to smithereens. We really ARE that fragile. So when we're asked simply to be silent and allow God to fight for us, something rises up in defiance. We want to be able to fight for ourselves. We want to be strong enough to do that. We want to be brave enough to stare down our enemy. We want to be our own savior. Isn't that what we are really saying?
"And there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved."
There is nothing we can do to reconcile ourselves to God. We can't be strong enough or brave enough or smart enough. But we can get in the wheelbarrow and choose to trust that God can save us. We can actively move to a place of complete surrender to our Savior. I learned long ago that when we pray, we should do so with open hands. Closed hands limit what we can bear to let go and make receiving that much more difficult. Open hands may mean we lose hold of some things we want to hold on to, but we receive more than we can ask for.
There is a story I like to share about a crowd standing beside the Grand Canyon. Stretched across the great chasm is a tightrope. As the crowd watches in awe, a man walks quickly across the rope form one side to the other. Then he does so again, this time with a wheelbarrow. Back and forth he travels and the people are amazed! As he reaches the edge where the crowd has gathered, he asks a question, "Do you think I can do it again?" A resounding cry of "YES!!" replies. So he looks among them and sees a young man who seems particularly enthusiastic to see this feat repeated. The tightrope walker steps over and asks, "Do you trust that I can do it again enough that you will ride in the wheelbarrow?"
I find myself in that position somewhat frequently throughout the stages in my life. Not so much the tightrope walker, but the young man being asked to trust in something altogether out of his control. Sometimes I feel like I say "Yes!" only to get worried and anxious halfway through the journey. It's in those times that it can be particularly dangerous. You're halfway there! Jumping out or rocking the boat would mean certain death! Alas, it's happened to me a time or two.
Most often I talk myself out of the wheelbarrow before I get in. All I can see are the chasm or the tautness of the rope or the drift of the wind. All these elements warn me of what I cannot affect. So rather than trust, I cower. I lose heart. I don't think I'm much different from the whiny Israelites to whom the opening passage refers. They, far more than I, faced a great threat. And they, like me, freaked out.
"They said to Moses, "Is it because there are no graves in Egypt that you have taken us away to die in the wilderness? What have you done to us in bringing us out of Egypt? Is not this what we said to you in Egypt: 'Leave us alone that we may serve the Egyptians'? For it would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the wilderness."
They couldn't see past the impending doom. they couldn't see the opportunity for God to show them something HUGE! And likewise I see the small story, the pain or discomfort or disappointment rather than the growth and joy God is showing me is available. Let me ask you a question: has there been a time in your life that was really tough? Maybe you lost hope or something rocked your world so hard you never thought it'll be right again. Maybe you are there today? I know I've been there. I think we all have moments and experiences we wish we could erase. Or somehow make easier. Sometimes we tell ourselves that it would have been a better thing if this had happened or you had gotten what you had prayed for. And the agony of knowing you couldn't change a thing! It's those times when we know in the core of our being there's gotta be something bigger than this because we know we are so ill-equipped to do this on our own.
Now, can you tell me, as you look back on those times of despair,that you are not a changed person because of them? Can you say that you did not learn something about your character and spirit when you were most severely tested? Just as the Israelites saw only the difficulty that faced them, I think I tend to take that view myself instead of trusting that God has something magnificent to show me through my trial. See the next part of the story is the most difficult...
"And Moses said to the people, "Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the LORD, which he will work for you today. For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall never see again. The LORD will fight for you, and YOU HAVE ONLY TO BE SILENT."
See, it all comes back to whether or not we trust that God can run that wheelbarrow across the tightrope. We've seen him do it again and again. We get excited to see the miracles in others. We shout "YES!" when we feel strong or want to see God's presence in our lives. But when confronted with an opportunity to really place everything in His hands, we shy away. We close shop and retreat. I find myself gathering into myself all the pieces I've let out so as to keep them as my own rather than see whether God will give or take away. Why do we do that? Why do we assume that our ways are better? Or that somehow God does not understand the depth of our desire or need? When in fact, God is the One who gave us the capacity to desire, the weakness to make us humble enough to need Him, and the joy of wonder when we are redeemed from the trial. I expect he rejoices greatly in that moment that we realize we cannot do this but by His grace and mercy. He rejoices not because we are broken and hurting and wrecked, but because finally, wearily, blessedly, we are once again in His hand.
So much of our lives are out of our control. It's no wonder that we want to plan our days, monitor our food intake and hold onto our money so nothing can shake us. ANYTHING could happen to rock our world to smithereens. We really ARE that fragile. So when we're asked simply to be silent and allow God to fight for us, something rises up in defiance. We want to be able to fight for ourselves. We want to be strong enough to do that. We want to be brave enough to stare down our enemy. We want to be our own savior. Isn't that what we are really saying?
"And there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved."
There is nothing we can do to reconcile ourselves to God. We can't be strong enough or brave enough or smart enough. But we can get in the wheelbarrow and choose to trust that God can save us. We can actively move to a place of complete surrender to our Savior. I learned long ago that when we pray, we should do so with open hands. Closed hands limit what we can bear to let go and make receiving that much more difficult. Open hands may mean we lose hold of some things we want to hold on to, but we receive more than we can ask for.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Yep, that's ok!
7 Months... It's actually been that long! I am so sorry and I cannot believe it. So, life is vastly different today than it was so many months ago. I lost my grandmother, I got really busy at work, I traded Lucy in for Spencer, and I took my LSAT and did quite well. So, that's about it :) Onward and upward my friends...
It's a really sunny day here in Minneapolis. Like blindingly sunny. And everything is wet and grey. It's awesome. So I usually write these big overtures of theology and grandiose ideas of how I am going to change my life. BUT, I think I just want to write about life now. Like a stream of conciousness as I sit in my coffeeshop and type. Is that ok? Ok, great.
The sun is really sunny and it's warming my face. Which is great, but my scarf makes it really hot! But that's ok. I like my scarf. It's red and texture-y and I feel super chic in it. Old Navy, the ONLY way to go for cute clothes in my opinion. The fun thing about scarves is that they can draw attention AND conceal at the same time. Although, my scarf today is doing nothing for the facial laceration I received this weekend. Yes, whipped cream fights are BRUTAL!! But it was ok.
I'm going to Romeo and Juliet tonight. My friend Rusty asked me today if I was excited for love, to which I replied I was excited for murder, deceit and suicide. I guess I'm not much of a romantic. But that's ok.
Church today was good. We talked about redemptive suffering and how we can suffer for others that they might have joy. Tough topic, but challenging to impliment. I mean, it's definitely a counterculture idea. One point Pastor Steve made that really resonated was that we have a secret desire to live a struggle-free life. In our hearts, we each kinda want life to be without pain and discomfort. So when we decide to intentionally be uncomfortable for the sake of someone else, it's unthinkable to those outside the paradigm of Jesus' ministry and life. So, I hope I keep that message with me as I walk out my faith this week. That should be ok.
I've been sitting here for hours now and this sun is burning holes into my retinas, so I think a nap should be ok.
It's a really sunny day here in Minneapolis. Like blindingly sunny. And everything is wet and grey. It's awesome. So I usually write these big overtures of theology and grandiose ideas of how I am going to change my life. BUT, I think I just want to write about life now. Like a stream of conciousness as I sit in my coffeeshop and type. Is that ok? Ok, great.
The sun is really sunny and it's warming my face. Which is great, but my scarf makes it really hot! But that's ok. I like my scarf. It's red and texture-y and I feel super chic in it. Old Navy, the ONLY way to go for cute clothes in my opinion. The fun thing about scarves is that they can draw attention AND conceal at the same time. Although, my scarf today is doing nothing for the facial laceration I received this weekend. Yes, whipped cream fights are BRUTAL!! But it was ok.
I'm going to Romeo and Juliet tonight. My friend Rusty asked me today if I was excited for love, to which I replied I was excited for murder, deceit and suicide. I guess I'm not much of a romantic. But that's ok.
Church today was good. We talked about redemptive suffering and how we can suffer for others that they might have joy. Tough topic, but challenging to impliment. I mean, it's definitely a counterculture idea. One point Pastor Steve made that really resonated was that we have a secret desire to live a struggle-free life. In our hearts, we each kinda want life to be without pain and discomfort. So when we decide to intentionally be uncomfortable for the sake of someone else, it's unthinkable to those outside the paradigm of Jesus' ministry and life. So, I hope I keep that message with me as I walk out my faith this week. That should be ok.
I've been sitting here for hours now and this sun is burning holes into my retinas, so I think a nap should be ok.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
A Time of Mercy
I’ve been in a crazy place lately of joy and despair. Do you ever have that vague feeling like something is coming, you just don’t know what or who or how? Like there is an approaching storm or the dark before the dawn breaks forth? Yeah, that’s kinda what this feels like. Anticipation for what’s coming but almost a fear for the change that is inevitable.
Now, I am no eschatological scholar, but I’ve dabbled (can one dabble in End Times?). And the truth is, there is an approaching time of tribulation. Some may say we are already experiencing it. I think of the verses in Romans 8:22-25:
“For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.”
The ways I could get political or environmental or whatever at this junction… Global warming could be construed as a groaning of sorts, the loss of honey bees maybe? Anyway, I think we can all feel this groaning in our own hearts. There’s this ache for what is to come, to be pure and whole. That’s the hope my friends! Lately this groaning has been increased in my own heart though and per a usual Cassblog, I’d rather just write it out.
I’ve been reading Revelation the past few days and the thing that keeps coming at me is “Which church am I?” See, Jesus is coming back for His bride (The Church aka you and me saints), there is no confusion about that and we can all agree we want Him! But am I ready to withstand the persecution and trial that surely will ensue prior to that glorious day? In Revelation there are seven churches John is told to send letters to, or this Book rather containing John’s Revelation of Jesus. Here’s a brief snapshot of the seven churches in my humble opinion:
Ephesus – This church is patiently enduring, testing apostles and finding them to be false, bearing up for Jesus’ namesake. BUT they have lost sight of where they have fallen from and how they pursued Jesus at first. He admonishes them to remember what they did when they first loved Him.
Smyrna – They have been in trials and tribulation already. They are poor in wealth but rich in spirit. There are some among them in the synagogue who are not of God but would insinuate they are. Overall, this church is already feeling the persecution and Jesus wants them to know that if they will endure and remain faithful until death, they will receive the crown of life.
Pergamum – These guys aren’t denying their faith, but they also aren’t being careful with the teachings they are receiving. The Nicolaitans were seducing them with spiritual and sexual immorality and they were not testing out the apostles to see if they are false as Ephesus was. And because they were not careful, they were being led astray and not fighting for the truth (see reference to “double-edged sword, the Word of God in Hebrews 4:12)
Thyatira – Tolerance. Yep, I hate the word because it seems we are all asked as Christians to be more tolerant, yet no one has tolerance for us. And here, the church is called out on sitting back and tolerating this temptress Jezebel. And she is unrepentantly seducing the servants of God into sexual immorality and eating what has been sacrificed to idols. This church has the love and zeal Ephesus lacked, but there is no discernment in teaching much like Pergamum.
Sardis – They are believed to be alive but Jesus knows they are dead. They are asleep. Their town has been attacked on occasion because the watchmen have not been awake. And they are spiritually similar. They’ve given up the fight it would seem. They look nice, but inside they are dying to the point of being completely lifeless. There are some walking with Jesus, and they shall be rewarded, but the rest of the church needs to awaken and fight for what is left.
Philadelphia – This is a church that is weak, they hold fast to faith but they are limited in numbers. They are already enduring the persecution of being excluded from the Jewish synagogue and being amidst the worship of idols. Jesus encourages them by reminding them that He has loved them, even if their false “brothers” in the faith have rejected them and the day will come when they will be redeemed.
Laodicea – This body of believers looks good. Again, we see people who have it all together on the exterior only to see a lukewarm faith in their hearts. Jesus calls them to either be hot or cold – choose! Instead, we see a people living tepid lives, complacent. There’s no persecution or trial, but there’s no faith or joy either. Again, Jesus calls for them to wake up and repent before He comes knocking.
So, that’s a synopsis of the End Times churches and where they were spiritually. So where do you see yourself today? For me, I identify with each in certain ways, at certain times. There are definitely aspects of persecution, but there is also apathy. I can be lukewarm at times and discerning and fierce at others. But the church I see most clearly displayed in my life right now is the church of Thyatira.
The church at Thyatira was zealous. They loved as they did at first unlike Ephesus, but they had become tolerant of this seductress Jezebel. I’m sure it didn’t seem harmful in the beginning. But slowly, as her seductions became more and more tolerated, they became complacent. And Jesus, with His eyes of fire, comes and searches them out. He sees them, He knows their hearts. In my life I see how I too am so tolerant and ultimately seduced by the things I have struggled so long to become free from. Whatever that might be today, by allowing tolerance of them in my life I open the door for further deception and entrapment. BUT, Jesus sees me too with eyes of fire. He will throw my tempters down in the end. So why don’t I live that freedom daily? Well, when we allow ourselves to become complacent, we don’t realize just how far we’ve strayed. We lose sight of purity and ultimately our desire for Jesus. And I want the Morning Star! I do!! But I have been living as if to say maybe not enough right now to do anything about it…
So, the take home for the day is this: quit this tolerance farce and stand up for something! Namely, freedom from the sin that so easily entangles us and the tempters whom we have lackadaisically kept at bay. Let’s just turn over the tables and declare war against the Jezebels in our life. Then, we can walk in freedom. We can walk in Truth. We can walk in strength. Because as we groan and wait for the day of our complete redemption, we must also be prepared to be the pure Bride Christ is coming back for. Are you ready?
Now, I am no eschatological scholar, but I’ve dabbled (can one dabble in End Times?). And the truth is, there is an approaching time of tribulation. Some may say we are already experiencing it. I think of the verses in Romans 8:22-25:
“For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.”
The ways I could get political or environmental or whatever at this junction… Global warming could be construed as a groaning of sorts, the loss of honey bees maybe? Anyway, I think we can all feel this groaning in our own hearts. There’s this ache for what is to come, to be pure and whole. That’s the hope my friends! Lately this groaning has been increased in my own heart though and per a usual Cassblog, I’d rather just write it out.
I’ve been reading Revelation the past few days and the thing that keeps coming at me is “Which church am I?” See, Jesus is coming back for His bride (The Church aka you and me saints), there is no confusion about that and we can all agree we want Him! But am I ready to withstand the persecution and trial that surely will ensue prior to that glorious day? In Revelation there are seven churches John is told to send letters to, or this Book rather containing John’s Revelation of Jesus. Here’s a brief snapshot of the seven churches in my humble opinion:
Ephesus – This church is patiently enduring, testing apostles and finding them to be false, bearing up for Jesus’ namesake. BUT they have lost sight of where they have fallen from and how they pursued Jesus at first. He admonishes them to remember what they did when they first loved Him.
Smyrna – They have been in trials and tribulation already. They are poor in wealth but rich in spirit. There are some among them in the synagogue who are not of God but would insinuate they are. Overall, this church is already feeling the persecution and Jesus wants them to know that if they will endure and remain faithful until death, they will receive the crown of life.
Pergamum – These guys aren’t denying their faith, but they also aren’t being careful with the teachings they are receiving. The Nicolaitans were seducing them with spiritual and sexual immorality and they were not testing out the apostles to see if they are false as Ephesus was. And because they were not careful, they were being led astray and not fighting for the truth (see reference to “double-edged sword, the Word of God in Hebrews 4:12)
Thyatira – Tolerance. Yep, I hate the word because it seems we are all asked as Christians to be more tolerant, yet no one has tolerance for us. And here, the church is called out on sitting back and tolerating this temptress Jezebel. And she is unrepentantly seducing the servants of God into sexual immorality and eating what has been sacrificed to idols. This church has the love and zeal Ephesus lacked, but there is no discernment in teaching much like Pergamum.
Sardis – They are believed to be alive but Jesus knows they are dead. They are asleep. Their town has been attacked on occasion because the watchmen have not been awake. And they are spiritually similar. They’ve given up the fight it would seem. They look nice, but inside they are dying to the point of being completely lifeless. There are some walking with Jesus, and they shall be rewarded, but the rest of the church needs to awaken and fight for what is left.
Philadelphia – This is a church that is weak, they hold fast to faith but they are limited in numbers. They are already enduring the persecution of being excluded from the Jewish synagogue and being amidst the worship of idols. Jesus encourages them by reminding them that He has loved them, even if their false “brothers” in the faith have rejected them and the day will come when they will be redeemed.
Laodicea – This body of believers looks good. Again, we see people who have it all together on the exterior only to see a lukewarm faith in their hearts. Jesus calls them to either be hot or cold – choose! Instead, we see a people living tepid lives, complacent. There’s no persecution or trial, but there’s no faith or joy either. Again, Jesus calls for them to wake up and repent before He comes knocking.
So, that’s a synopsis of the End Times churches and where they were spiritually. So where do you see yourself today? For me, I identify with each in certain ways, at certain times. There are definitely aspects of persecution, but there is also apathy. I can be lukewarm at times and discerning and fierce at others. But the church I see most clearly displayed in my life right now is the church of Thyatira.
The church at Thyatira was zealous. They loved as they did at first unlike Ephesus, but they had become tolerant of this seductress Jezebel. I’m sure it didn’t seem harmful in the beginning. But slowly, as her seductions became more and more tolerated, they became complacent. And Jesus, with His eyes of fire, comes and searches them out. He sees them, He knows their hearts. In my life I see how I too am so tolerant and ultimately seduced by the things I have struggled so long to become free from. Whatever that might be today, by allowing tolerance of them in my life I open the door for further deception and entrapment. BUT, Jesus sees me too with eyes of fire. He will throw my tempters down in the end. So why don’t I live that freedom daily? Well, when we allow ourselves to become complacent, we don’t realize just how far we’ve strayed. We lose sight of purity and ultimately our desire for Jesus. And I want the Morning Star! I do!! But I have been living as if to say maybe not enough right now to do anything about it…
So, the take home for the day is this: quit this tolerance farce and stand up for something! Namely, freedom from the sin that so easily entangles us and the tempters whom we have lackadaisically kept at bay. Let’s just turn over the tables and declare war against the Jezebels in our life. Then, we can walk in freedom. We can walk in Truth. We can walk in strength. Because as we groan and wait for the day of our complete redemption, we must also be prepared to be the pure Bride Christ is coming back for. Are you ready?
Saturday, May 2, 2009
The Story So Far
I've been promising so many an update and apparently facebook does not allow you to email more than 20 people at once. So, instead I am doing a blog and y'all can come read it :)
The last few weeks have been incredible. I mean, seriously unbelievable! I had the opportunity to meet with friends and stay with my dear mentor LeAnn for my last week in Fargo, all the while cleaning and preparing for the Big Move. I had some sweet times of being in the Word and just learning to walk in the steps God placed before me. My move on Saturday April 25 was fast approaching, I had just turned down a good position for mental and moral hesitancies, and I knew Minneapolis living was going to be difficult financially and relationally. Everyone I knew EVER really was here in Fargo. I've never been more than a ten minute drive from Mom and Dad. And what was I going to do if I couldn't find a job?!
Well Wednesday saw me driving back to Minneapolis for another interview, this time with MoneyGram International. I had a phone interview the previous Friday which had gone well. Wednesday would be a meeting with HR and the Manager of the department. It went phenomenally well!! So much so, they called me back for a staff interview about half an hour after I left the building. That too went very well. I was even asked on the spot about the regulations for unclaimed property in Delaware and was able to answer correctly to everyone's surprise. The job I was interviewing for would be Regulatory Specialist working with state licensing requirements, audits and legislation so it was very well suited to not only my current knowledge base but also my aspirations in law. I hoped I got the job as I finished my days in Fargo and looked toward Saturday, now only two days away...
Friday was check-out day for Roxie, Mandy and I. It was the end to a period in all our lives I think. I mean, we've been together for almost two years and there has been a lot of great things about our times. It will be a challenge to maintain that level of closeness as I've already seen this week, but I dearly appreciate and love those girls (hopefully you're reading, I know you don't read my blogs). So with that done, I moved on to time with my grandma and on the way I received the call. I was being offered the position with MoneyGram!! I had done some researching, read all the materials they had sent and knew this is where I wanted to be. So I accepted. Then the biggest surprise of all - the salary was far more than I anticipated and benefits were great! It just worked out that God knew what I needed and I had only to trust. And the thing all along has been that I moved from step to step in peace, I just KNEW God was walking the path with me and before me. Even the apartment I signed for prior to having a secured job, Mom and others really questioned my signing that lease before knowing whether I would find employment. But here we are, with a home and a job. The best part about the call for me was when the HR rep said, "We've been looking and interviewing for this position for a long time and each applicant has just fallen short. We are so glad we didn't settle for someone else and found you. We just knew after interviewing and with the staff that you were the perfect fit for the position." Do I really need more confirmation?
So with life looking good, I made the trek form Fargo to Minneapolis on Saturday. Saying goodbye to Dad was hard in Fargo. Definitely some tears shed. I realized how much I love him and really how much he loves me. When he said the words, "I am so proud of you" in my ear as we hugged, it was like a healing rain reminding me he is my daddy and I am still precious to him. So we say goodbye and my brother, mother and I begin driving. Oh. My. Goodness. We could barely stay together driving leaving Fargo and I started to worry how we would make it to my pace in the crazy city traffic!?
But we did and the apartment was just as homey and cozy as I remembered. We got checked in and I called for my recruited helpers. My dear friend Josh had enlisted some folks to help move my stuff in and I had the opportunity to meet my new friend Ben who happens to live down the street as well making it seem like maybe I'm not in the middle of the huge city alone. I mean I know someone down the street, right? And my friend Lyndsie came as well bearing a beautiful yellow Calla Lily I have since called Camille. Even a visit from an old friend Angie who has been in the cities for a little while. Everything got moved in record time (way to go guys!!) and the unpacking began. So far, my living room looks good and my kitchen is almost there... My bedroom still looks like a natural disaster may have been near.
So Mom and Curt stay overnight, helping with unpacking, moving, nails, buying stuff from Target, etc. When they leave the next morning, it hits me completely. I am here, alone. A little difficult to say goodbye, no tears though from Mom or Curt (they are the more stoic of the family). I decide to spend the rest of my day exploring. So I find the nearest Target in St. Louis Park (thanks Lyndsie for that heads up!!) and get some more essentials and head home to continue making this place a home. On my way, I stop at a red light and the driver behind me decides not to resulting in a rear-ending. It didn't look so bad until the insurance adjuster came to check out my vehicle and showed me where the back end basically folded in on itself under the carpet. So I will be car-less all of next week as that gets repaired. But on the positive side, her insurance claimed 100% liability and I had a minor case of whiplash so all is well (or will be when I get a Lucy, my car, back).
Since that excitement, I've been driving around and spending time reading most of my days. I made a decision early in the week that I want to get plugged in to the The Rock church. So I email the small group guy with a couple of groups that I thought looked interesting to me and he agreed one of them would be a good fit for not only the size but also the location of the house church. The way it works is services are Fridays and small groups or house church alternate Sunday nights. So as I look at attending Hamline in the near future (hopefully!) my Sunday evenings begin in St. Paul anyway so it would make sense to find somewhere I can get relatively quickly. So I email my new friend Ben, who happens to be a small group leader go figure :), and get it worked out. Now I wait for Friday to see how many people I can meet and befriend and hope people like me.
Well, it is Saturday morning and I am happy to report it was a phenomenal time last night of meeting people, a majority of who I will be in small group or house church with. I even received numerous hugs from the other small group leader, Beth, and other new friends which I didn't realize until last night I had been missing. It was truly a blessing to just have people surround me again, and they were all over the age of 14 too!! So, I kinda feel like I'm home now. And that is a great feeling. The rest of my weekend is pretty packed already with a volunteer project, movie, games, small group and more unpacking. So, that's the story so far!!
The last few weeks have been incredible. I mean, seriously unbelievable! I had the opportunity to meet with friends and stay with my dear mentor LeAnn for my last week in Fargo, all the while cleaning and preparing for the Big Move. I had some sweet times of being in the Word and just learning to walk in the steps God placed before me. My move on Saturday April 25 was fast approaching, I had just turned down a good position for mental and moral hesitancies, and I knew Minneapolis living was going to be difficult financially and relationally. Everyone I knew EVER really was here in Fargo. I've never been more than a ten minute drive from Mom and Dad. And what was I going to do if I couldn't find a job?!
Well Wednesday saw me driving back to Minneapolis for another interview, this time with MoneyGram International. I had a phone interview the previous Friday which had gone well. Wednesday would be a meeting with HR and the Manager of the department. It went phenomenally well!! So much so, they called me back for a staff interview about half an hour after I left the building. That too went very well. I was even asked on the spot about the regulations for unclaimed property in Delaware and was able to answer correctly to everyone's surprise. The job I was interviewing for would be Regulatory Specialist working with state licensing requirements, audits and legislation so it was very well suited to not only my current knowledge base but also my aspirations in law. I hoped I got the job as I finished my days in Fargo and looked toward Saturday, now only two days away...
Friday was check-out day for Roxie, Mandy and I. It was the end to a period in all our lives I think. I mean, we've been together for almost two years and there has been a lot of great things about our times. It will be a challenge to maintain that level of closeness as I've already seen this week, but I dearly appreciate and love those girls (hopefully you're reading, I know you don't read my blogs). So with that done, I moved on to time with my grandma and on the way I received the call. I was being offered the position with MoneyGram!! I had done some researching, read all the materials they had sent and knew this is where I wanted to be. So I accepted. Then the biggest surprise of all - the salary was far more than I anticipated and benefits were great! It just worked out that God knew what I needed and I had only to trust. And the thing all along has been that I moved from step to step in peace, I just KNEW God was walking the path with me and before me. Even the apartment I signed for prior to having a secured job, Mom and others really questioned my signing that lease before knowing whether I would find employment. But here we are, with a home and a job. The best part about the call for me was when the HR rep said, "We've been looking and interviewing for this position for a long time and each applicant has just fallen short. We are so glad we didn't settle for someone else and found you. We just knew after interviewing and with the staff that you were the perfect fit for the position." Do I really need more confirmation?
So with life looking good, I made the trek form Fargo to Minneapolis on Saturday. Saying goodbye to Dad was hard in Fargo. Definitely some tears shed. I realized how much I love him and really how much he loves me. When he said the words, "I am so proud of you" in my ear as we hugged, it was like a healing rain reminding me he is my daddy and I am still precious to him. So we say goodbye and my brother, mother and I begin driving. Oh. My. Goodness. We could barely stay together driving leaving Fargo and I started to worry how we would make it to my pace in the crazy city traffic!?
But we did and the apartment was just as homey and cozy as I remembered. We got checked in and I called for my recruited helpers. My dear friend Josh had enlisted some folks to help move my stuff in and I had the opportunity to meet my new friend Ben who happens to live down the street as well making it seem like maybe I'm not in the middle of the huge city alone. I mean I know someone down the street, right? And my friend Lyndsie came as well bearing a beautiful yellow Calla Lily I have since called Camille. Even a visit from an old friend Angie who has been in the cities for a little while. Everything got moved in record time (way to go guys!!) and the unpacking began. So far, my living room looks good and my kitchen is almost there... My bedroom still looks like a natural disaster may have been near.
So Mom and Curt stay overnight, helping with unpacking, moving, nails, buying stuff from Target, etc. When they leave the next morning, it hits me completely. I am here, alone. A little difficult to say goodbye, no tears though from Mom or Curt (they are the more stoic of the family). I decide to spend the rest of my day exploring. So I find the nearest Target in St. Louis Park (thanks Lyndsie for that heads up!!) and get some more essentials and head home to continue making this place a home. On my way, I stop at a red light and the driver behind me decides not to resulting in a rear-ending. It didn't look so bad until the insurance adjuster came to check out my vehicle and showed me where the back end basically folded in on itself under the carpet. So I will be car-less all of next week as that gets repaired. But on the positive side, her insurance claimed 100% liability and I had a minor case of whiplash so all is well (or will be when I get a Lucy, my car, back).
Since that excitement, I've been driving around and spending time reading most of my days. I made a decision early in the week that I want to get plugged in to the The Rock church. So I email the small group guy with a couple of groups that I thought looked interesting to me and he agreed one of them would be a good fit for not only the size but also the location of the house church. The way it works is services are Fridays and small groups or house church alternate Sunday nights. So as I look at attending Hamline in the near future (hopefully!) my Sunday evenings begin in St. Paul anyway so it would make sense to find somewhere I can get relatively quickly. So I email my new friend Ben, who happens to be a small group leader go figure :), and get it worked out. Now I wait for Friday to see how many people I can meet and befriend and hope people like me.
Well, it is Saturday morning and I am happy to report it was a phenomenal time last night of meeting people, a majority of who I will be in small group or house church with. I even received numerous hugs from the other small group leader, Beth, and other new friends which I didn't realize until last night I had been missing. It was truly a blessing to just have people surround me again, and they were all over the age of 14 too!! So, I kinda feel like I'm home now. And that is a great feeling. The rest of my weekend is pretty packed already with a volunteer project, movie, games, small group and more unpacking. So, that's the story so far!!
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Random Early Morning Dream
So I woke up around 3:30 and wrote a bit (as evidenced in my last post) and decided to go back to bed and sleep. One of the perks of not working this week, sleep in!! Which I have yet to do once since my last day April 15th. Anyway, I love going back to bed in the wee hours of the morning with no worries of getting up for something. So I sleep...
Until 6:30 when I wake myself up laughing so hard I'm choking myself. Even know I'm grinning. So here's the dream, please feel free to analyze with me:
I am with a group of people, only one of whom I know and haven't seen since I was at her wedding two years ago. We are apparently hanging out at a house either I own or Donald Miller. Not sure on that. But there is a great backyard and spacious ceilings. For some reason we are inside and cannot go out. Most likely zombies are attacking and we do not want to be eaten. BUT, Donald Miller (yes the author)has decided that he needs to hunt us down some food. Literally!! I don't know why he felt tracking wild game through a city was a good idea, but he did. Finding nothing in our backyard, he instead hops on a city bus in search of our next meal. Did I mention he is hunting with what appears to be a makeup brush or very small dusting wand? So he is holding onto the railing in a city bus slapping little old ladies and other passengers with this wildly crazed, bloodthirsty look on his face. And grunting, he was grunting like getting ready to chase after something or as a bull would preparing to run down the matador. And then he ran off the bus screaming, slapping people all the way...
I love waking up laughing but what in the world??? I guess green olive, pepperoni, pineapple pizza at 5:30 isn't so great for mental capacities... or it's the equivalent of getting high (so I hear)?
Until 6:30 when I wake myself up laughing so hard I'm choking myself. Even know I'm grinning. So here's the dream, please feel free to analyze with me:
I am with a group of people, only one of whom I know and haven't seen since I was at her wedding two years ago. We are apparently hanging out at a house either I own or Donald Miller. Not sure on that. But there is a great backyard and spacious ceilings. For some reason we are inside and cannot go out. Most likely zombies are attacking and we do not want to be eaten. BUT, Donald Miller (yes the author)has decided that he needs to hunt us down some food. Literally!! I don't know why he felt tracking wild game through a city was a good idea, but he did. Finding nothing in our backyard, he instead hops on a city bus in search of our next meal. Did I mention he is hunting with what appears to be a makeup brush or very small dusting wand? So he is holding onto the railing in a city bus slapping little old ladies and other passengers with this wildly crazed, bloodthirsty look on his face. And grunting, he was grunting like getting ready to chase after something or as a bull would preparing to run down the matador. And then he ran off the bus screaming, slapping people all the way...
I love waking up laughing but what in the world??? I guess green olive, pepperoni, pineapple pizza at 5:30 isn't so great for mental capacities... or it's the equivalent of getting high (so I hear)?
Living Grace
I’ve written before in the old blog about the peace of pure abandon and the joy of sweet surrender (Thanks Justin Rizzo!!) but it seems appropriate for me to venture into the topic again today. There has been an overwhelming outpouring of grace over the last few weeks as I have been moving to Minneapolis. I have been so blessed in different ways, the most prominent is probably the gift of peace. I generally feel I follow the path God has appointed for me but this path has led me into this unfamiliar territory where faith has been required to simply trust God’s plan to work itself out. And it has! From getting an apartment against everyone’s advice prior to getting a job all the way to loading a truck in Fargo not knowing how I would unload it upon reaching Minneapolis and seeing God provide not just bodies but new friends. I am amazed; there really isn’t another word for it.
Since arriving though, I’ve noticed some typical anxieties creeping in. Some relatively innocent such as not knowing where to find a clinic after my car accident and the frustration that ensued (yeah, there was an accident day 2 of Minneapolis life; I’m mostly ok don’t worry). Others manifest from a more sinister root of distrust in God’s ability to see where my heart is or know what it is I need. Tonight in particular I am faced with the tendency I have to run to the things I find comfort in rather than the One who wants so much more for me than what I can do to appease the anxious thoughts. See the thing about higher callings or living for something more than just this world is that to actually do that is uncomfortable, unnatural, and sometimes downright painful. To fully embrace and live a life that is holy and focused and worthy of the calling, we have to give up some things that distract us from that life. I guess what I’m really discussing is those things that in and of themselves are not necessarily evil but when they have become a stumbling block for us, they are no longer so harmless. I'm reminded again of the definition of sin provided by Susan Wesley:
Tonight specifically it happens to be what does my mind run to for peace and rest besides His Word and presence? And the answer simply displays how much in need of Him I still truly am.
I think we all come to a place in our lives where we’ve seen growth and we mistake it for the completion of the work God intends to do in us. In essence, we feel we have arrived at the destination. Only to find we still have a sin nature that would love nothing more than for us to become comfortable again in that world-focused state of life. In this time and this place though, I want God so much more than I want that so I guess I’m choosing the uncomfortable, unnatural and slightly painful way this night as I wrestle with the things of my heart and the grace and mercy extended by a Father who knows right where I am and how to get me to where He is my everything and my first point of refuge.
Since arriving though, I’ve noticed some typical anxieties creeping in. Some relatively innocent such as not knowing where to find a clinic after my car accident and the frustration that ensued (yeah, there was an accident day 2 of Minneapolis life; I’m mostly ok don’t worry). Others manifest from a more sinister root of distrust in God’s ability to see where my heart is or know what it is I need. Tonight in particular I am faced with the tendency I have to run to the things I find comfort in rather than the One who wants so much more for me than what I can do to appease the anxious thoughts. See the thing about higher callings or living for something more than just this world is that to actually do that is uncomfortable, unnatural, and sometimes downright painful. To fully embrace and live a life that is holy and focused and worthy of the calling, we have to give up some things that distract us from that life. I guess what I’m really discussing is those things that in and of themselves are not necessarily evil but when they have become a stumbling block for us, they are no longer so harmless. I'm reminded again of the definition of sin provided by Susan Wesley:
Take this rule: whatever weakens your reason, impairs the tenderness of your conscience, obscures your sense of God, or takes off your relish of spiritual things; in short, whatever increases the strength and authority of your body over your mind, that thing is sin to you, however innocent it may be in itself.
Tonight specifically it happens to be what does my mind run to for peace and rest besides His Word and presence? And the answer simply displays how much in need of Him I still truly am.
I think we all come to a place in our lives where we’ve seen growth and we mistake it for the completion of the work God intends to do in us. In essence, we feel we have arrived at the destination. Only to find we still have a sin nature that would love nothing more than for us to become comfortable again in that world-focused state of life. In this time and this place though, I want God so much more than I want that so I guess I’m choosing the uncomfortable, unnatural and slightly painful way this night as I wrestle with the things of my heart and the grace and mercy extended by a Father who knows right where I am and how to get me to where He is my everything and my first point of refuge.
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