Living Grace

I’ve written before in the old blog about the peace of pure abandon and the joy of sweet surrender (Thanks Justin Rizzo!!) but it seems appropriate for me to venture into the topic again today. There has been an overwhelming outpouring of grace over the last few weeks as I have been moving to Minneapolis. I have been so blessed in different ways, the most prominent is probably the gift of peace. I generally feel I follow the path God has appointed for me but this path has led me into this unfamiliar territory where faith has been required to simply trust God’s plan to work itself out. And it has! From getting an apartment against everyone’s advice prior to getting a job all the way to loading a truck in Fargo not knowing how I would unload it upon reaching Minneapolis and seeing God provide not just bodies but new friends. I am amazed; there really isn’t another word for it.

Since arriving though, I’ve noticed some typical anxieties creeping in. Some relatively innocent such as not knowing where to find a clinic after my car accident and the frustration that ensued (yeah, there was an accident day 2 of Minneapolis life; I’m mostly ok don’t worry). Others manifest from a more sinister root of distrust in God’s ability to see where my heart is or know what it is I need. Tonight in particular I am faced with the tendency I have to run to the things I find comfort in rather than the One who wants so much more for me than what I can do to appease the anxious thoughts. See the thing about higher callings or living for something more than just this world is that to actually do that is uncomfortable, unnatural, and sometimes downright painful. To fully embrace and live a life that is holy and focused and worthy of the calling, we have to give up some things that distract us from that life. I guess what I’m really discussing is those things that in and of themselves are not necessarily evil but when they have become a stumbling block for us, they are no longer so harmless. I'm reminded again of the definition of sin provided by Susan Wesley:

Take this rule: whatever weakens your reason, impairs the tenderness of your conscience, obscures your sense of God, or takes off your relish of spiritual things; in short, whatever increases the strength and authority of your body over your mind, that thing is sin to you, however innocent it may be in itself.

Tonight specifically it happens to be what does my mind run to for peace and rest besides His Word and presence? And the answer simply displays how much in need of Him I still truly am.

I think we all come to a place in our lives where we’ve seen growth and we mistake it for the completion of the work God intends to do in us. In essence, we feel we have arrived at the destination. Only to find we still have a sin nature that would love nothing more than for us to become comfortable again in that world-focused state of life. In this time and this place though, I want God so much more than I want that so I guess I’m choosing the uncomfortable, unnatural and slightly painful way this night as I wrestle with the things of my heart and the grace and mercy extended by a Father who knows right where I am and how to get me to where He is my everything and my first point of refuge.